joner:

me, laying on top of my significant other: hey

(via these---violent---delights)

which scientist should you fight

• geologist: will throw copious amounts of rocks at you. not recommended unless you can also throw equal amounts of rocks back
• botanist: knows 1001 ways to poison you. probably shouldn't fight
• zoologist: knows 1001 animals that can kill you. probably shouldn't fight either
• entomologist: spiders. enough said.
• physiologist: they know too much about the human body and how to cause optimal pain with minimal damage. not safe.
• geneticist: will unleash their army of mutated fruit flies at you. can be either good or bad thing, depending on your preference for flies with legs growing out of their eyes
• immunologist: they have perfected the t-cell inspired technique of "death by neglect". if you fight them you will die in the saddest way possible
• microbiologist: please don't fight someone who is already pissed about antibiotic resistance and can identify bacteria based solely on their smell
• climatologist: will choose the battlefield as somewhere in the path of a category 5 hurricane and then leave you to die. do not fight please
• environmental scientist: they can control the entire world do you really want to fight them
• chemist: have you seen breaking bad? no, do not fight them. do NOT
• physicist: will kill you with math. not the best way to go
• herpetologist: can probably speak parseltongue and know just which frogs are best at taking over your habitat. only fight if you live in antarctica
• cancer biologist: has immediate access to at least 5 different tumor cell lines and knows exactly where to inject them in your heart to cause metastases. don't even look them in the eye
• marine biologist: is a real life aquaman. will lure you with cute river otters and then finish you off with some terrifying deep sea creature. better to just stay home and never leave
• psychologist: is basically a mind reader. will drown you in your deepest darkest fears. 10/10 do not recommend to fight
• molecular biologist: will kill you organelle by organelle. you will die a slow and painful death while covered in budding yeast
• statistician: their power is always over 80%, and they will quickly punt you in the path of a normal distribution even before you can yell "Wilcoxon!"
• archaeologist: can use a trowel 59 different ways, and only 9 are for digging. one can only guess the other 50, so may be advisable to stay far away
• astronomer: will launch you into space and send you to a planet so inhospitable not even matt damon can make it back this time
• pharmacologist: why would you ever fight someone who knows all about drugs. why
• computer scientist: they know the perfect algorithm for death. do not fight, even with a firewall
• linguist: no matter where you are, they can talk about you behind your back in the native tongue. do you really want death by humiliation. do you
• dinosaurologist: are you kidding me?? the answer is no